Rejoice! The Dough Is Risen!
IN THE BEGINNING...
The Glorious God-Biscuit, S/He whose True and Holy Nickname doth be Quxzbxzbxzb'G'bzxbzxbzxuq, proposed Hirself into existence approximately 927 bazillion years ago, in the distant days of yore.
Upon becoming Self-aware in the nothingness of the proto-polycosm, God-Biscuit quickly grew bored. Armed with a newfangled omnipotence and a desire for stimulating conversation (and possibly even text-messaging, if and when evolution finally created opposable thumbs), S/He settled on the idea of creating the universe, with Hirself as Supreme Being.
Taking the form of a fashion-obsessed, 24-dimensional hermaphroditic Cosmic Biscuit with a mild speech impediment (since rectified), thus was born Our Lord and Savoury Savior, the God-Biscuit most glorious. In what is now called the Big Bang (though the more accurate term is "Biscuit Bang," or better yet, "The Burstin' Biscuit"), God-Biscuit detonated Hirself, sending The Yeasty Essence of the Fundamental Flour Power in all conceivable directions to create the universe we know and love today.
A recent photograph from the Deep Space Telescope mission, showing the inflationary expansion of the early universe. The above image documents events from one zillion-gazillionth of a nano-jiffy after the ‘Big Bang’ (aka the Burstin’ Biscuit).
Possessed with a laissez-faire attitude toward omniscience, God-Biscuit prefers to sit back and see how things develop, rather than having a neurotic concern with surveillance and micromanagement (unlike some deities we know). When S/He does take an active role things often go wrong, such as the initial attempts to light the universe with beans instead of photons (don't ask), or when thousands of angels died of scurvy after God-Biscuit forgot to invent vitamin C. The last straw was when S/He showed up drunk for the Apocalypse (see The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible, Canto VII: BisQuitus, verse 19 for additional information).
What, Me Worship? After a night of bar-hopping betwixt Studio 54 and Area 51, the Glorious God-Biscuit totally jumps the shark when S/He shows up drunk for the Apocalypse.
In addition to these lapses, S/He has been to rehab at least twice due to Hir raging Chapstick addiction, leaving Hir stunt-double (Charlton Bobbi "the Pruner" Snufflethwaite IV) in charge.
Hir fashion tip is, "Clothes make the mammal," Hir favorite prime number is 104,729, and Hir hobby is to personally silkscreen the word Sunkist onto each and every orange thus marked.
Ask not for whom the Biscuit Bakes, it bakes for THEE.
God-Biscuit's erstwhile stunt-double, Ernie Marie "the Pruner" Snufflethwaite IV